“Single moms — you are NOT the father!” “If I see even ONE person congratulating single moms on Father’s Day, I am going to go OFF!!!” “Single moms, stop being bitter! You chose to sleep with an ain’t sh_t man and then want to act surprised when he turned out to be an ain’t sh_t father.”
I saw blog posts by the dozens dedicated to how single moms don’t deserve to be greeted on this day. How we are not fathers. How Father’s Day is not a day designed for us.
And, you know what? I’m not here to argue that.
I don’t have a penis. I don’t have a Y chromosome. Nor do I want to. I love being a woman.
I also do NOT expect greetings on Father’s Day. Never have.
However, I fail to understand the rage and hatred that people display at the mere idea of someone saying “Happy Father’s Day” to a single mom.
Here are some of the arguments that I have seen concerning this:
1. It is emasculating to men.
Ummmmmm…..how? If a man’s masculinity is threatened by those 3 simple words, I just don’t know what to say. Saying that a woman is doing a good job of raising her child without a father in no way detracts from the men that are doing their fatherly duties. This logic just does not compute to me.
2. Single moms are being bitter and hateful because they slept with men who they knew weren’t good men and then want to get upset when they turn out not to be good fathers.
Ok, how assumptive is this? News flash: single moms are normal human beings. We are not the only ones who have ended up in bad relationships, failed relationships, or relationships with people that ended up not being who they seemed to be. The only differences are that we ended up with children and that our exes decided not to take on the responsibility of parenting. Some single moms were engaged or married to the fathers of their children. They knew them for years. Decades even. To assume that they just slept around or that they already knew from the beginning the choices that the father would make is ridiculous. How do the single moms end up being blamed for the poor choices of the fathers? To continue with this point, do you want to know how many actual “bitter single moms” I saw posting bitter things on Father’s Day?
The only bitter posts I saw were the ones bashing single moms and anyone who dared to send them greetings.
Kinda ironic, isn’t it?
Granted, I can’t say that it doesn’t happen. But I can say that it is not the norm for my single mom friends or readers. I saw PLENTY of single moms wishing Happy Father’s Day to the men in their lives. Just like everyone else.
3. Father’s only get one day. Why try to take that away from them?
😐 The last time I checked mom’s got one day as well. Soooo…yeah. Are people under the impression that moms are constantly being showered with praise? That every day we are given flowers, chocolates, balloons, and greeting cards telling us how super awesome we are.
Ask any mom — I don’t care if she is single or married. This is not the case.
Now, as I have said before, I do not expect greetings on Father’s Day. I am not my son’s father. I am his mother. I am raising him by myself. I am doing all of the things that his father should have (in an ideal world) been here to do. I believe that that is why some people choose to wish me Father’s Day. Because they view me as taking on the role of provider that many people still associate with being a father. Not because they are trying to emasculate the real fathers out there.
I’ve read blog posts after blog post about this topic. Some of them make valid points. Such as the fact that there is a Single Parent’s Day in March. However, even with the valid points, I am highly confused about why people are soooooooo angry and hate-filled toward single moms. If the argument is that Father’s Day is only for fathers and fathers alone, where is the indignation toward the people who sent greetings to men who have had a hand in positively influencing children, such as uncles, grandfathers, godfathers, etc? Technically, they are not the child’s father. (Let me pause here and say that I was DEFINITELY one of the ones who took time to give a shout out to the men in my life that have a hand in raising and loving my son — namely my stepfather, my brothers, and my son’s godfather). Shoot, I even saw some people greeting men who have fur babies. But no one seemed to find that worthy of anything negative. I HIGHLY doubt that anyone gets this upset about single dads being greeted on Mother’s Day (yes, it does happen…want more?). Nor should they. I don’t think it would detract from my womanhood or my parenting skills. It doesn’t affect me at all. In fact, I highly respect single fathers. If someone wants to say “you’re doing awesome” to a man on Mother’s Day — good for them.
I find it ridiculous that so many people will spew hatred against all single moms just because some people want to tell them “Hey you, you’re doing a great job of raising your child(ren)”. Yet the men who aren’t even doing their job as fathers get the same praise as the many who are. I would think that THAT would be more of a slap in the face. I mean, you have someone who is there day in and day out, working hard to pay the bills, put food on the table, clothes on backs. Someone who is there to teach their children, love them, and prepare them for life. They are there for all of the ups and downs of parenting. And on the day meant to honor them for their awesomeness, they get lumped in with the men who walked away from it all without a second glance and don’t contribute a single thing to the upbringing of their children. I, for one, would find that more insulting.
Again, I do not expect greetings on Father’s Day. To be honest, it was really weird to me the first time someone told me Happy Father’s Day and I still don’t know exactly how to respond. But I don’t jump down their throats about it because I know that they are just trying to tell me that I am doing a good job of taking on the roles of nurturer and provider. At least that is how I view it.
I am not here to proclaim that single moms must be greeted on Father’s Day. But, really, people? All the hatred? Is it necessary?
I think that instead of everyone getting upset about single moms being viewed by some as playing both roles, we should work as a society to raise our children to be good parents when they grow up (if having kids is something that they even want). That’s my plan, at least. The fact that so many parents are having to raise their children alone despite the other parent being perfectly capable of helping out is society’s fault. This cycle needs to stop. And that is the truth. WE need to do better so that our children will do better. I don’t want my son or future children to be single parents or to cause someone else to be a single parent.
The fact of the matter is that about 15 million children are being raised without a father and about 5 million are being raised without a mother. That’s a hell of a lot of children. Many of those children have both parents actually still present on this planet and able to play their roles. But they choose not to. Yet so many people are harping on celebrating the good parents on the “wrong” day. Maybe we should just get rid of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and have Parent’s Day (just like we have Grandparent’s Day instead of breaking it down into Grandmother’s Day and Grandfather’s Day). That way no one can get offended. I’d sign that petition. Orrrrr we could provide parents with more appreciation on all of the other days. Maybe then people wouldn’t feel like their entire self-worth as a parent, person, or member of their gender is tied up in a single day of the year.