Life as a single mom…is hard. All of a sudden I am the only breadwinner. I am playing the role of two parents, and I admit that I don’t do a perfect job. I get frustrated and annoyed. I let him cry it out because “mommy needs to do her work” or “mommy needs to cook and clean”. The house is often messy. The laundry is piling up. Sometimes I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs “WHY ME?!” And it doesn’t make things any easier that, at the same time, I am still trying to finish my Master’s. My life is a whirlwind and at times I feel like I just am not equipped to do this.
But then Christian smiles. Or gives me a kiss. Or I will come out of my room and see him sitting there waiting patiently for me to come back. Or he will start kicking and squealing in excitement when I walk in the door. Or he will put his hands on my face and give me a huge grin and babble like he is telling me “Smile, because I love you”. And I feel bolstered with energy and hope. Energy to do what needs to be done, and hope that everything will work out better than I could ever imagine. And trust me, at times I just can’t imagine how I will survive.
Like right now. I have very little money to my name. Not nearly enough to even begin to cover my expenses. I am facing losing my apartment (and we all know the damage that can do later on) and my car. I have several assignments due tomorrow. I have bills that are probably past due. .But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let us go down without a fight.
Right now I am stressed beyond belief. But I am also blessed beyond belief. I have family and friends who love me. I have a God who…loves me isn’t even the way to describe it. He just…is. I have strength and I have dedication. Being a single mom is the most challenging role that I have ever had to play. One that I had never imagined that I would be forced to take on. But if this is what God has in store for me right now, then I’m gonna be the best single mom that I can be. And I’m going to thank Him everyday for the opportunity. Because at least I have Christian. And that is worth everything to me.