Here’s the deal: I am a 27 year old, celibate, single mom. Sounds a bit weird and, well, ironic? Oh well…that’s me. I’ve had some people ask me why I am celibate, and the way they ask it makes it sound like it is a dirty word or, at the very least, socially abnormal. To me, it is a very sane and sound decision.
I have been in two long-term relationships that I THOUGHT would end in marriage. Neither one did. The first one was more my fault. The second one was entirely his. Both times I came out of the relationship feeling like damaged goods. I felt like no one would want me because I was no longer a virgin and because now I have a child. Now, I can’t beat myself up too much about my choices. I have a beautiful son because of the choices that I made. However, I fully understand that God’s provisions regarding sex were meant to protect more than anything else. And I completely disagree with the idea that abstaining from sex is an impossible feat.
I feel that sex is a very intimate act of love and I am no longer willing to engage in that act unless I have 150% commitment from my partner in the form of marriage. I am no longer willing to open myself up to possible emotional backlash by opening myself up to someone who will not be around a few years down the road. And, quite frankly, I know I am worth the wait.
Just yesterday my father told me that I need a man in my life. Now, he wasn’t talking about for sexual purposes. He was saying it more out of concern for my son — saying that he needed a father figure. And that I need companionship. Now, I got into a “debate” with my father about why I was choosing to remain single. For one, I’m just not looking. I have talked to guys here and there. But I don’t feel the need to be in a relationship. Secondly, I feel like I need to work on myself and my life before I invite someone else into my world. Another reason is that I refuse to have people running in and out of my son’s life. I realize that my decisions will affect Christian. Maybe not directly or immediately, but they do affect him. I have never taken dating lightly. Anyone that I have dated has had to have marriage potential. Otherwise, what’s the point. I have NEVER dated out of boredom or because I was rebounding. And I refuse to start dating when I am not ready just because people think that I “need a man”.
Then there is the fact that I am celibate. But I couldn’t quite broach the topic of sex with my father. My mom — yes. My father — a resounding NO. The sad reality is that these days most men (and probably most women, to be honest) will not be interested in pursuing a serious relationship with someone who is not going to have sex with them. And if they do pursue a relationship with you, chances are that most people would be tempted to find someone who will satisfy their sexual needs on the side.
So until I find someone who not only understands where I am coming from, but AGREES with me, I will remain…
Yours Truly,
Single Mommy Warrior
I think you are very wise to make this decision. I know it will be hard to stick to your guns at times (I’ve been a single mama before), but I think that if you do, the kind of man you wind up with will be the kind of man that is right for you and your son. Hang in there!
Still hanging in there. Thanks for the encouragement! 🙂
Thanks, Earthmama! I agree that this is the best way for me to be happy and to find a QUALITY man. So many people get hung up on just finding someone, that they don’t really consider if that someone is the right person for them. And since any man that I bring into my life would be a part of Christian’s life as well, I can’t afford to be selfish and date just for the sake of it. Thanks for the encouragement. I really appreciate it! 😀