I’ve started yet another fitness kick.
I’ve started yet another morning routine.
I’ve started yet another writing challenge.
Yall, I am the Queen of Starting Stuff Kingdom. I have earned a PhD in Starting Stuffology. I have mastered the martial art of Starting Stuffitsu.
Finishing stuff…not so much.
I have been trying to figure out why I am the way that I am.
Like, seriously, I ask myself “Yooooo….why are you like this?!” on at least a weekly basis. I also ask my son this question, but that’s a story for another day, lol.
What I have started to realize (wait…can you start to realize something or once you have realized it even a little bit, is it just fully realized?) is that a large part of my problem is a lack of self-love.
This is a realization that I had while talking to my friend Michelle, who is the twin sister that I never knew I had. I mean, she’s European and a year older while I’m American, but whatever. We’re twins.
Anyways, I realized that I don’t love myself the way that I should. I don’t know why that is. I probably need some type of counseling, lol. However, even if I don’t know why I don’t love myself, the symptoms are definitely there.
1. I don’t take care of myself.
This is evidenced by the fact that I went a long time without making any real effort to get my health in order. I hadn’t gone to the doctor about my thyroid issues since I moved here in 2010. Bad Tiffany! I wasn’t working out or eating the way I knew I should. I mean, to be fair, I had been trying to lose weight by exercising and eating healthy for a long time, but didn’t see lasting results. However, that is probably because I hadn’t gone to the doctor to get back on thyroid meds, so it’s still blame that can be placed at my feet.
2. I constantly put myself down.
It’s like a habit. I use phrases like “I suck”as often as Eric Matthews said “Feeny” throughout the lifetime of “Boy Meets World”. I am self-deprecating, can’t accept compliments, and am quick to point out my faults. See…I’m doing it right now. It was something that I didn’t even realize I did until Michelle started calling me out on it. When she did, I saw how often I put myself down and it was eye-opening.
3. I don’t follow through on projects.
I have so many things that I have started to do that I was genuinely excited about. Things that I felt could make a big, positive difference in my life. I worked on them for a while, but then quit.
I think you’re probably seeing the trend. I don’t do things that someone would do for someone that they love.
Let’s compare how I treat myself to how I treat my son.
1. I make sure he is healthy by taking him to regular appointments with his pediatrician. I made sure I put him in therapy when I realized that he needed it. When he shows the first sign of being sick, I take him to the doctor or give him medicine. Usually in that order, because I am paranoid. I try to makes sure he eats healthy (he’s super picky, though). I make it a point to get him outside or at playdates so he can run around.
2. I build him up by always telling him how awesome he is, letting him know that I am proud of him, and just generally trying to be sure he has a positive sense of self and that he believes he can do anything he sets his mind to.
3. If a project has something to do with my son, you better believe it gets done. For example, I may not make time to do something creative for myself, but I have drawn plenty of cartoon characters just because I knew how much my son would love them. If he asked me to write a story for him, I’d do it with gusto. Yet my novel has been sitting unfinished for 5 years.
You see what I mean?
So, starting right now, I commit to…
1. Myself
2. Getting my health in order
3. Working on the things that make me happy
4. Lifting myself up and loving on myself more.
5. Doing what I need to do to feel like I have “it” together.
6. Finishing what I start.
Including this post. I can’t even tell you how many blog posts I have sitting in my drafts, lol. This one will not be joining them. Let me create a fitting image so I can hit publish.
There. That’s practically perfect in every way (cool points if you know which movie that is from). Feel free to pin it, yo.
So…here’s to me loving myself and getting stuff done. 🙂
