February 8th, 2010 was the day my life changed forever. I had been feeling more than a bit off for the past week, and my cycle was a few days late. This had happened to me on more than one occasion. Each time it happened, I would buy a pregnancy test, pee on the little stick, and not too long after I got the results, my cycle would magically kick in. I thought it was just the way my mind and boy worked sometimes. I would be stressed about being pregnant, which would cause my cycle to be off, causing me to take the test and receive a negative result. Then my brain would send a message to my ovaries (Hey, dude, everything’s cool. You can wake up now.) and everything would get back on track. So, honestly, when I took the test I was expecting another negative result. In fact, when I bought the pregnancy test, I also bought a box of tampons.
When I got back home on the 8th, I went straight into the bathroom and followed the instructions on the box. You know: unwrap stick, pee on stick, cover stick, wait for stick to indicate results (which could take up to a few minutes). I didn’t even have time to put the top back on the test before a huge, bright blue plus sign popped up in the test window. Dazed and confused, I grabbed for the box. This was not the normal result I had come to expect. I had forgotten the box in my bedroom so I dashed to get it, fumbling around to figure out exactly what this plus sign meant. Perhaps this brand had a different key for decoding the results. Nope. += Pregnant. 😐
I am sad to report that I cried — and not with pure joy. This was completely unexpected. I was having issues with my fiance’. I had JUST turned 25 (not the 30 to 35 years that I had intended to be for my first pregnancy). I was only a few months into my master’s program. This was NOT supposed to be happening! I HAD A PLAN! Don’t get me wrong, I love kids (I would hope that’s a prerequisite for a nanny), and I have long nursed a dream of being the perfect wife and mother. However, at this point in my life, I just was not ready. I’d never even held a newborn for more than 45 tense seconds. How in the world was I going to do this?
I told my fiance’ and (not too long afterwards) my family about the expected addition. I was terrified, but sooner than I expected my feelings of intense fear transformed into feelings of wonder and excitement (mixed in with a healthy dose of anxiety and nervousness). I was going to be a mommy. 🙂 I looked forward to watching my belly grow and feeling my child moving around inside me. I was eager to learn whether I was having a boy or girl (I had names picked out for both long before I found out the gender). I was excited to be taking a huge step towards building my family.
I immediately started doing all types of research on pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting. I joined a ton of websites and registered for a ton of different services and magazines. I wanted to be prepared. I certainly can’t say that my pregnancy has been stress and drama-free (but that would be an entirely different blog), but it has been exciting and the most important event of my life so far. Overshadowing the aches and pains, the relationship problems, and the many difficult decisions I have had to make are a ton of things: seeing my child for the first time (Doc, are you QUITE sure that’s a baby?) and the many times since (what can I say, I’m pushy); hearing the heartbeat for the first time; finding out that my “little ninja” is actually a boy; being able to finally call my child by his name — Christian; feeling him moving around; watching my belly growing month by month. These are memories that can’t be tarnished. My pregnancy may not have been perfect, but it’s been MY pregnancy and I will never forget it.
Now, with only a few more weeks to go, I am becoming more and more ready to welcome Christian into this world. We still have some preparations to make (his father FINALLY getting transferred from Baltimore to Arkansas; moving into our new apartment, and finally being able to set up his nursery), but I’m sooooo ready to see and hold him. I CAN’T WAIT!