Here’s the deal: I am a 27 year old, celibate, single mom. Sounds a bit weird and, well, ironic? Oh well…that’s me. I’ve had some people ask me why I am celibate, and the way they ask it makes it sound like it is a dirty word or, at the very least, socially abnormal. To me, it is a very sane and sound decision.
I have been in two long-term relationships that I THOUGHT would end in marriage. Neither one did. The first one was more my fault. The second one was entirely his. Both times I came out of the relationship feeling like damaged goods. I felt like no one would want me because I was no longer a virgin and because now I have a child. Now, I can’t beat myself up too much about my choices. I have a beautiful son because of the choices that I made. However, I fully understand that God’s provisions regarding sex were meant to protect more than anything else. And I completely disagree with the idea that abstaining from sex is an impossible feat.
I feel that sex is a very intimate act of love and I am no longer willing to engage in that act unless I have 150% commitment from my partner in the form of marriage. I am no longer willing to open myself up to possible emotional backlash by opening myself up to someone who will not be around a few years down the road. And, quite frankly, I know I am worth the wait.
Just yesterday my father told me that I need a man in my life. Now, he wasn’t talking about for sexual purposes. He was saying it more out of concern for my son — saying that he needed a father figure. And that I need companionship. Now, I got into a “debate” with my father about why I was choosing to remain single. For one, I’m just not looking. I have talked to guys here and there. But I don’t feel the need to be in a relationship. Secondly, I feel like I need to work on myself and my life before I invite someone else into my world. Another reason is that I refuse to have people running in and out of my son’s life. I realize that my decisions will affect Christian. Maybe not directly or immediately, but they do affect him. I have never taken dating lightly. Anyone that I have dated has had to have marriage potential. Otherwise, what’s the point. I have NEVER dated out of boredom or because I was rebounding. And I refuse to start dating when I am not ready just because people think that I “need a man”.
Then there is the fact that I am celibate. But I couldn’t quite broach the topic of sex with my father. My mom — yes. My father — a resounding NO. The sad reality is that these days most men (and probably most women, to be honest) will not be interested in pursuing a serious relationship with someone who is not going to have sex with them. And if they do pursue a relationship with you, chances are that most people would be tempted to find someone who will satisfy their sexual needs on the side.
So until I find someone who not only understands where I am coming from, but AGREES with me, I will remain…
Single Mommy Warrior