Disclaimer: This post is very rushed. You’ll have to excuse me. There was so much to condense into one post. Lol
Wow, so I suck. I have not posted in, like, a year. Well, eight months, but come on Tiffany. Such a slacker. Lol. How to describe life since my last update? Exciting. Challenging. Awesome. Frustrating. Unbelievable. If anything this period of time has taught me:
1. God is definitely real and is working in my life in big ways. I never doubted His existence and have always been a Christian. But I never had a real testimony of His greatness. Well, now I do. Despite being chronically unemployed and not having any true source of income, I was always able to pay my bills for my car, my house (though I did end up having to move out of my apartment to a much nicer yet cheaper HOUSE), and utilities. At one point I had no clue where I was going to live. Then the people across the street from my parent moved out and I went over there and asked if it was going to be rented. He said yes. I asked how much (and was nervous about the answer), and when he said $350 a month for a 2 bedroom/2 bath house with a big backyard I jumped on it! lol. When I was at a point where I NEEDED a job, somehow I always found one and was always hired on the spot. When I couldn’t take my last job any longer, I realized that I had been sitting on an amazing business opportunity (Pure Romance) for several months not realizing what a gold mine it was (I had joined the company in November, but didn’t start doing anything until January. I have since added 5 people to my team and am working on getting my sales up)Now I am able to be a stay at home mom and STILL pay the bills. And all because God has my life in his hands. I definitely give Him the credit and glory for my survival and happiness.
2. Tears are only temporary. Despite me being able to pull through as far as finances, there have been some huge hurdles. Basically I did someone a favor involving money. I didn’t realize that the money was not deducted from my account immediately, so when I checked my balance I assumed that that was money I had to spend. Then when they FINALLY deducted the money from my account, I overdrafted. I (without ever planning on utilizing it) had enrolled for a $500 overdraft limit when I opened my bank account. I knew how it worked. What I didn’t know was that if you overdrafted, you would not receive any notice that you had. So here I am using my card for regular things. Toiletries. Food . Diapers. Not even anything big. And EVERY time I swiped my card, they charged that amount PLUS a $35 fee to my bank account. It took me two days to notice it. I had an order to place from a party I had done and was checking to make sure I had enough in my account to cover it. My bank statement was several HUNDRED dollars in the negative. WTF?
Heart racing I rushed to the bank. The lady at the window pulled up my account and told me that all of my money was gone. I was just like “How?” WHen she explained it to me and I came to realize that it was not a fluke, I broke down crying in the drive thru. All I could think about was the fact that I had NO MONEY but my rent and car note were due soon. And when I say I was crying, I mean I was crying. Tears flowing, eyes bloodshot, hands raised to God asking “What do I do”? The lady at the window started crying too. She credited $200 back to my account but that was the most she could do. At the time Christian had nearly $400 in his savings account. This was something that I was very proud of. That I was able to even begin investing in his future. I ended up having to use up nearly all of his savings just to get my balance back out of the negative. All of my hard work…gone in 10 seconds. Just thinking about that day makes me cry all over agian. That sense of complete and utter helplessness and failure. *sigh*
Then there was the day my electricity got cut off. Now, this was more to do with my lack of memory. I forgot when my bill was due. I came back home after being gone for a week to find my lights off, the house freezing, the food in the fridge spoiled and the food in the freezer in danger of spoiling. My house is all electric so I could not even cook or take a hot bath. I immediately got on the phone with the electric company to pay the bill and have them come out. They could not come until the next day. In the meantime, Christian is sitting there shivering so hard is teeth are chattering while he keeps repeating “Mama mama mama”. Of course, I broke down then. Fail. Again.
And, though I hate to admit it, I cried when Tyrell’s first “baby mama” contacted me to tell me that not only was he having sex with one of the same girls that he had cheated on me with while I was pregnant (and who he probably met up with when he took a week vacation to go back home not too long before he left for good), but that she was living with him (in his mom’s basement, the loser), had gotten her pregnant, AND was engaged to her. Now, I don’t love him. In the least. Sometimes I have the horrible thought that my life would be so much simpler if he were dead (Bad Tiffany!). But that sh!t hurt. Mind you, he has not been in contact with us since I told him that there was absolutely no way that I was moving to Baltimore. That was in June of last year. He has not called/texted/emailed me AT ALL to even ask if Christian was ok. Not even on his birthday. No presents. No monetary assistance. Nothing. To have him move on so quickly, with no regrets apparently hurt. For him to get away without any responsibilities while I struggle made me mad. To have him act as though my son does not matter or even exist pissed me the fuck off. So now I am making the moves to preserve me and my son’s happiness. And that’s all I will say about that on here. 🙂
3. So many other strong, smart, beautiful women go through the same thing. I have so many friends who end forced into Single Mommydom. Men suck. I am learning that that is more reality than exaggeration. How someone can hurt the ones they love (be it through physical or emotional abuse, infidelity, or abandonment/neglect) I will NEVER understand. But what I do know is that it is not us who are the weak ones. It’s you “men”. The ones who give in to temptation. Who don’t know a fanfrickingtastic thing when you have it sitting right in front of you. The ones who create life and then toss it aside as though it does not matter. Who walk out on your wives, fiances, sons, and daughters without looking back. Who live your lives in a carefree manner while WE raise your children, and then decide to pop up out of nowhere several years down the road to reap the benefits of what we have put out blood, sweat, and tears into. You little boys are pathetic and, honestly, the best thing you have done with your lives is to provide us with our children. You serve no other purpose. Just thought I would share that.
Ok, lol. I feel myself getting riled up. Ugh! Where have all the good men gone?
Anyways, life is great. Not perfect. Still not where I need to be financially, but I’m getting there. More importantly, my son is truly the best thing that I could have asked for. I am sooooooooooooooVERY blessed to be his mommy. 😀