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I’ve been cycling through emotions all weekend and it all came to a head yesterday. I won’t go into super details here, but I will tell you the basics. About a month ago, I reconnected with a “friend” who had wronged me in the past. I try to give people second chances and this was hers. Not too long after we reconnected she asked me if I could babysit her 7 children. I wanted to help her out, and I also needed the extra money so I agreed. They could only afford to pay me $20 a day even though I was watching 7 kids for 10 hours. Not a lot at all. But I did it anyway. The first two times they paid me when they got back home then they asked me if I could wait until their next payday. Long story short, on Friday they told me they didn’t need me anymore and that they would pay me by a certain date. All of my emails (except one) went unanswered. As an employer, I was not upset. I had my free time back and could dedicate more time to MY family. However, as their friend (or at least I considered them friends) I was upset. Long story short, they didn’t pay me when they said they would so I came by their house. Much to my surprise, they came out of nowhere and accused me of stealing dvds, diapers, and wipes. None of which is true.At all. When I threatened to call the police (btw, I immediately filed a police report and went to the small claims court to see how I could collect what I was owed), all of a sudden the story switched from me stealing to me being neglectful. Complete and utter lies from pathetic excuses of human beings.

¬†Everything in me knows that it is because they have been having huge financial issues themselves and probably just couldn’t afford to pay me or did not want to. So instead of just being honest and saying that they could not pay me (like a respectable human being would do), they grasped at straws to justify their refusal to pay. And I feel stupid now, since I believe that they used me for free childcare and that I opened myself up to it by reconnecting with them. The worst thing is that, yet again, I have people who I trusted and who were important to me (Christian and I had both bonded with them) totally screw me over.

And even though they were only paying me a pittance, I really needed that money to pay a bill. I had been counting on it and was actually going to go straight from their house to the water company to pay my bill. By not giving me what I was owed.So ever since yesterday I have been cycling back and forth from being pissed, being hurt, and being frustrated. I have been praying to God about the negative emotions I have been feeling: hatred, spitefulness/vindictiveness, pain/hurt. I have also been praying for him to resolve my financial issues. As I said, I needed that money. And it is not likely I will get it back. One, because they are pathetic. Secondly, because it would cost me more than what they owe me to file to get what they owe me. Of course, when I win the case, they would also be responsible for any fees I have to pay for court costs. But I simply don’t have the money to put up to pursue reimbursement. And the police can’t force them to pay me. So unless the Lord works on their hearts, I don’t foresee me getting the money. So I have been praying to God to provide me with another means of income. I do Pure Romance and Beachbody but neither one is where they need to be yet (though I am working at it).

Anyways, I check my bank account this morning. I already knew how much I had in there, but I couldn’t stop myself from checking even though I knew it would just depress me. Lo and behold, I have more money than I had had in there last night. Apparently, I got a refund check from my car insurance company. I have no clue why they owed me anything, but it’s there. Then I remembered that I still had a few articles that I needed to submit for my freelance job. Those two things together will more than cover what I am owed. So…yay! God has, as usual, shown that he hears my prayers and that he has His hands all over my life. I’m sitting here crying now as I typed this because His presence is just so obvious. I was so worried because I only $20 in my account that wasn’t designated for bills and I didn’t know how I was going to pay the bill that is coming up in a few weeks. But now I don’t have to worry about that anymore.

I honestly don’t ask for much. I want my bills to be paid, to have food on the table, and for my son to be healthy and happy. We have a pantry and refrigerator/freezer filled with food (I actually had to give some to my brothers because I didn’t have the space). I don’t have insurance, but my son does. And somehow my bills always get paid. And we are happy. That’s all I ask for in life and God has been providing it. And more. There was a time where I doubted God’s presence in my life. But I realize now that He has always been there. it wasn’t until my situation became such that I really needed Him that I saw how he works in my life. All those times when I would need a job and would just happen across one and get hired on the spot. The times when I could have died but didn’t (though I’ve never been seriously hurt, I have been in several situations where I could have easily died). He has been there all along. And he still is.

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